Victim of Grace

Why of all possible worlds does this one exist with me in it? Why am I so fortunate to be alive? Why am I so condemned? So many of the things that happen in my life are totally and completely out of my control. I cannot prevent life's tragedies nor can I herald life's joys. If I discipline my body and my mind, practicing patience and restraint, if I sacrifice myself for others, the dark clouds continue to rumble over head. If I live by my whims, speaking my mind regardless of consequence and giving full rain to the darkness in my heart, I still get rainbows.

I am another victim of grace.

God chose me. Why? I can come up with no reason other than that I must, in some way, delight God. Maybe I make him laugh. I know I have made him cry. There are moments when this hits me with its full force. God chose me. I have to repeat it five or six times before I really even start to understand that I will never really understand fully what this means. So I squint into my brain as hard as I can and I see a hand beckoning me into the shadows. "Come deeper into the mystery." I hear a voice say. Another Victim of Grace.